


Show Your Wounds, I'm Bored with Mine

by tvlerblack



Category: World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Feelings, Kevin doesn't know how to deal with them, Late Night Conversations, M/M, Seth actually kind of does
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-05
Updated: 2018-04-05
Packaged: 2019-04-18 22:09:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14222820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tvlerblack/pseuds/tvlerblack
Summary: In the aftermath of Fastlane, Kevin Owens, wounded and fuming, pays Seth Rollins a visit in the middle of the night.





	Show Your Wounds, I'm Bored with Mine

Seth was a vision standing in the doorway of the hotel room, all big sleepy eyes and tousled dark curls, dressed in a pair of loose-fitting sweatpants and—how adorable—the half-Raw, half-Shield t-shirt he’d so proudly sported at Survivor Series last year. The shirt was probably the only thing that kept the sudden wave of nostalgia that washed over Kevin from being full-on déjà-vu; seeing Seth this way, for a split second they both might have been eight years younger and miles away from here in Chicago, a punk kid calling himself Kevin Steen looking at a punk kid calling himself Tyler Black, both of them still sore from the brutal match they’d had, Kevin hurting more from his loss than his wounds and blindly determined to spend the rest of this night clashing with Tyler in an entirely different way than they had in the ring earlier.

Kevin was amused to discover the memory caused a stirring in the lower half of his body. It _had_ been one hell of a night. Tyler hadn’t even tried to fight him, not that night or all of the nights that followed, just stepped aside and let Kevin in, as if he’d known it was inevitable, as if he’d always known it would come to this eventually.

Kevin wondered, vaguely, if it’d be as easy now as it had been then. He’d had moments when he thought it would be, back when Seth was with The Authority and Kevin was just making his mark on the main roster, when they had forged their tenuous pact that had essentially boiled down to the fact they were both selfish assholes and neither of them were particularly scrupulous about how they attained victory. Maybe neither of them had changed much, Kevin had thought then, names and Seth’s hair notwithstanding.

Seth blinked owlishly at Kevin. Kevin crossed his arms and waited patiently for Seth’s brain to catch up with his eyes. It took a full thirty seconds. Then Seth uttered, deadpan, “The fuck.”

Kevin nodded sagely. “Your promos are getting better, kid.”

Seth closed his eyes, shook his head, and then opened them again. He seemed even more confused, as if he had expected Kevin to disappear like a mirage. “Seriously, Kevin, the fuck? It’s like one in the morning. What are you doing here?”

“It’s 1:36 in the morning, to be exact,” Kevin informed him, pulling out his phone. “You alone?”

Seth’s eyes narrowed in suspicion. “Of course I am. Did you…did you drive here?”

“Five hours,” Kevin said gravely. The drive had been closer to three and half hours, but Kevin was of the opinion there was nothing wrong with a little hyperbole to prove a point.

“How did you even know what room I was in?”

“I have my ways.”

Seth let out an irritated huff. “Finn told you, didn’t he?”

Kevin threw up his hands. “All right, I confess! Just stop squinting at me like that, I can’t take it! Yeah, it was Finn. Don’t go making your best friends into your worst enemies and not expect any negative consequences.” The irony of this little piece of advice did not escape him; in fact, he chose his words specifically for the irony.

“We’re not _enemies_ ,” Seth said dismissively, and then huffed again. “I can’t believe he told you. Did you bribe him with legos and Irish beer?”

“Maybe.” He had, in fact, had to practically beg Finn for the information. Finn, who was acting weirdly protective of Seth despite their ongoing feud, had been very suspicious of his intentions. Kevin wasn’t sure if he had finally worn Finn down or if the other man had just taken pity on him. Seth did not need to know that, however.

Seth squinted at Kevin again, blatantly ignoring Kevin’s pleas for him to cease. “What the fuck are you doing here at 1:30 in the morning, Kev?”

“Looking for you, clearly. I want to talk. So are you going to let me in or is it no longer your policy to allow any asshole that shows up at your door in the middle of the night into your hotel room?”

After a moment’s hesitation, Seth stepped aside. Kevin, triumphant, sauntered in.

“Is there a reason you didn’t just call?” Seth asked, sounding annoyed. He’d never liked being interrupted from his beauty sleep.

“As a matter of fact,” Kevin said, but didn’t elaborate. He plopped down onto the bed, kicking off his shoes.

“Sure, just make yourself at home.”

Kevin flashed a charming grin. “Don’t mind if I do. Got any beer?”

“Not for you, no.”

“Well fuck you, too, Rollins. Don’t you know how to treat a guest?”

“You’re an intruder, not a guest, Owens, just like you’ve always been.” He crossed his arms and leaned back against the door, eyeing Kevin warily. “You wanted to talk? What would you want to talk to me about in the middle of the goddamn night?”

“A good question.” But he again fell silent, letting it hang unanswered in the air between them. At length he posed a question of his own. “Where’s Reigns?”

Seth cocked an eyebrow. “In his room, probably. Sleeping, I’ll bet, considering it’s 1:30 in the fucking morning.”

“You’re really hung up on that,” Kevin remarked. He paused. “Why do you have separate hotel rooms?”

“Because we’re two grown-ass men and we can afford our own rooms?”

Kevin rolled his eyes. “Sure, but why aren’t you rooming together? Don’t you travel together, like true ‘brothers’? Or, I’m sorry, is he still just a business partner?”

“A business brother,” Seth quipped, and Kevin suppressed a laugh. Seth shrugged. “We’ve been rooming together, sure. I thought it’d be a good idea for us to have separate rooms for a while, that’s all.” He looked suspicious again. “Why do you care?”

“So does that mean you’re not sleeping with him?”

For a long while Seth just looked at him, expression unreadable. It took a tremendous amount of effort for Kevin not to fidget under the scrutiny of those ridiculous Bambi eyes. Finally Seth said, “This is about Sami, isn’t it?”

For the first time since he’d arrived at the hotel, Kevin began to feel just how tired he actually was. “Took you this long to figure it out?”

“Nah.” Seth walked over and sat down on the bed. His shoulder brushed Kevin’s as he settled in. He ran a hand through his hair, as if that would do anything to tame that glorious mess. “I’ve just been trying to figure out if you’re here to talk about it or if you’re here for a comfort fuck.”

Kevin let out a laugh that was almost self-deprecating. “I don’t suppose I can hope for both?”

“I’m back with Roman,” Seth said, as if that was an answer. Kevin supposed it actually was.

He was acutely aware of how close they were, of Seth’s warmth, his scent. Familiar things he’d almost forgotten. Another, stronger wave of nostalgia washed over Kevin, an ache twisting in his gut. Decidedly unfamiliar things he was becoming more and more accustomed to. He’d been doing a lot of dwelling on the past lately, feeling a lot of uncharacteristic sentimentality. He was starting to realize just how badly he’d been letting it blind him.

“So why the separate rooms?”

Seth shrugged. “Wrestlemania is on the horizon. These next few weeks will be critical. I want us both to walk out as champions. We need to be focused. All the shit we still need to work out will have to wait.”

“‘Sorry, honey, but I think we should take a break until after Wrestlemania’?”

Seth smiled. “Something like that. There’s still a lot we’re both trying to figure out, a lot that still needs to be resolved between us. I thought it’d be best if we just set it all aside for now, concentrate on our matches at Wrestlemania.”

 _Wrestlemania_. It was all any of them were thinking about—being on that grandest stage, having that one fabled Moment. It was no wonder Seth was so single-mindedly focused on it; they all were. It all came down to this, everything they did the rest of the year, everything they did their entire _lives_. It was all about that one night, that one moment. Wrestlemania.

He felt his moment had slipped through his fingers.

Except that wasn’t right, was it? It hadn’t slipped through his fingers, it had been ripped from his hands—by Shane McMahon, and by Sami Zayn.

“That shit you still need to work out…it wouldn’t have anything to do with the Universal Title, would it?”

Seth’s brow furrowed slightly. “No, not really. We both want it, of course, but that’s just part of the business. I didn’t resent him going after it; he didn’t resent me going after it. Hell, we encouraged each other. I’m still encouraging him. He’d still be encouraging me, if I was going to be facing Lesnar. It was kinda exciting, fighting each other over it.” He grinned. “We’ve had a lot of great matches over the years, and I think we can have even better ones now.” He cast Kevin a sideways look. “It doesn’t have to be personal, y’know.”

Kevin scoffed, incredulous. “You don’t resent him at all for winning the Chamber match, then? He doesn’t resent you at all for turning on him during the match? You did it pretty quickly when you saw the chance.”

“I kind of regret it now,” Seth admitted, looking a bit chagrined, “turning on Roman when I did. It would’ve been smarter to keep going after Braun together until we got rid of him. But even all of us together couldn’t beat that monster, so…” He shrugged. “Anyway, no, I don’t resent Roman. He won fair and square. He earned his opportunity. I can’t hold that against him. I lost, he didn’t. Just how it goes. Besides, I got that Intercontinental Title in my sights now.”

“How nice of you, to settle for midcard gold when you wanted that main event spot so badly.” He wanted to sound cynical and unimpressed, like he was calling Seth out on something, but he ended up just sounding puerile, like he was whining.

“I’m not _settling_. Like I said, Roman won the Chamber, fair and square. I squandered my opportunity. I’m well aware of it and I’m well aware I’m the only one to blame. I won’t let it get to me. I have another chance here with the Intercontinental Title, and I don’t intend to squander _that_. Would you really call it _settling_ , being in a match with two of the best for one of the most prestigious titles in the business? Finn and I fighting on the grandest stage of them all for the Intercontinental Title is kind of a dream come true, honestly. And anyway, that title is the only one I need to make me a Grand Slam Champion. That’d be quite a Wrestlemania moment, don’t you think?”

“So that’s it, huh?” Kevin said, still trying to sound tough and cynical and still only managing to sound sullen. “You just fist-bump Reigns, congratulate him and walk away?”

Seth regarded him closely, his eyes very dark, inscrutable. “What do you expect me to do, Kev? Turn on Roman? Bust out the old trusty steel chair, maybe?”

Kevin pursed his lips and didn’t respond. He was thinking of Sami offering to lay down in the middle of the ring for him, of Sami lying there in the middle of the ring in front of him, his voice sincere, his eyes anything but.

Suddenly Seth laughed. “I’m way past that, Kev. Does it suck that he’s in the main event spot and I’m not? Yeah. Am I going to let that come between us? Hell no. I want gold back around this waist, and you know what? That IC Title is shiny enough for me. And Roman deserves that Universal Championship. Just imagine it, me and him, both walking out of Wrestlemania champions.” He grinned, his eyes dark fire, ablaze with ambition and the promise of the future. Seth had always been about _the future_. “We can steal the show. I can’t think of anything better.”

Kevin’s hands balled into fists in his lap. He was pissed. Fury roiled in his gut like noxious fumes, so terrible and so deep he felt it might tear him apart. This wasn’t pain, this wasn’t heartbreak; this was absolute, blinding _rage_. Sami had been lying to him. Sami had fooled him. Sami had smiled at him and hugged him and fawned over him and told him he’d do anything for him, told him he’d lie down in the ring for him, told him he’d hand over that championship on a silver platter. And Kevin had eaten it up, had believed every word, despite the constant nagging suspicion in the back of his mind that whispered he had done this once, had pretended, until he’d buried that proverbial knife in his lover’s spine.

Sami had ripped that knife out and stabbed it right into Kevin’s spine.

Kevin wanted to rip out that knife now and use it to carve out Sami’s heart.

And here was Seth, sitting here in his hotel room at almost two in the morning looking confident and content and beautiful, saying that he was happy to let Roman Reigns have the moment he’d coveted, while he went and chased another moment for himself. Here was Seth, who had once stabbed Reigns and Dean Ambrose in the back for the chance to make it to the top, now saying he didn’t resent that Reigns was the one headed to the top, he was willing to accept that he had lost and Reigns had won, he wanted both himself and Reigns to end the show as champions.

_I’m way past that, Kev._

_Why? Don’t ask me stupid questions, how about that?_

Sami had changed. Seth had changed, too. It was only Kevin who had stayed the same. It would’ve been kind of funny, if it didn’t make Kevin want to put his fist through a wall.

“Roman _will_ walk out of Wrestlemania champion,” Seth said, and there wasn’t a trace of doubt in his tone. “And he’ll be a great champion, not like Lesnar, who can’t be arsed to even show up. He’ll make that belt something special. He’ll look damn good wearing, too.” He smirked. “And _I’ll_ look damn good wearing that IC belt. We wanted all three of us to be champions again. Dean isn’t around, but two out of three ain’t bad. Roman and I will run Raw, we’ll run this whole damn business. What else could I want?”

“Monday Night Rolleigns?” Kevin suggested wryly.

Seth laughed so hard he collapsed back onto the bed, clutching at his stomach. “Monday Night Rolleigns! I love it. I’ll have to tell Roman that one.” He flashed an impish grin up at Kevin. “Better than the Kevin and Sami Show. Sorry, Sami and Kevin Show. Oh, but I suppose it’s the Sami Zayn Show now, isn’t it?”

“Fuck you, Rollins.”

The other man turned over onto his back, looking up at Kevin with that shit-eating grin, dark curls falling into his eyes. And there it was again, nostalgia, Kevin’s new best friend. It was exquisitely stupid, but it was hard to see Seth like this, with trimmed beard and _sans_ blond patch, and not think of the boy he had been. The boy who had talked sweet and split people open, doe-eyed and cruel and unpredictable. For a moment Seth Rollins looked so much like Tyler Black that Kevin actually second-guessed where and _when_ he was.

“But really it’s still the House that AJ Styles Built, isn’t it?” He adopted a bad imitation of AJ’s southern accent as he recited the man’s ridiculous tagline.

“Thanks to Shane O’Mac,” Kevin snapped. “If it wasn’t for that power-drunk jackass, I’d be champion right now.”

Seth hummed thoughtfully. “He does seem to have a pathological need to stick his nose in your business, true. But he’s a McMahon, it’s in their blood. Your own damn fault for starting a fight with the family in the first place.” Kevin started to retort, but Seth overrode him. “Back at the Royal Rumble you and Sami intended to become co-champions. Does it really seem odd to you I might want both me and Rome to be champs? Seems like you felt the same about yourself and Sami not too long ago.”

Kevin stared down at his clenched fists. They shook slightly, the knuckles white. “Co-champions,” he spat, derisive. “Like fuck. We all know who would’ve been the _real_ champion.”

“Apparently Sami feels the same.” Seth sat up, shifting so he was sitting cross-legged. His knee pressed against Kevin’s. He pulled back, and Kevin, absurdly, wished he hadn’t. That brief contact sent a flash of warmth through him like a gust of summer breeze, disturbing the dark cloud of anger swirling inside him, thinning it just slightly.

“So you were using him, he was using you, you were both waiting to stab each other in the back and he was just the one who struck first. Is that it?”

Was it?

When Sami had saved him at Hell in a Cell, Kevin hadn’t known what to think, what to expect. Sami had taken him back to the trainer’s room and stayed with him as he was checked out, hovering in the background, his face a mask. He had taken Kevin back to his hotel room, and during the ride when Kevin questioned him he had simply smiled and said, “You were right. You were always right.”

Kevin had called Sami his guardian angel and they had hugged, and what exactly had he been thinking then, in those surreal moments? Everything seemed so blurry now.

It had been an opportunity too good to pass up, having Sami back at his side, ostensibly willing to do anything for him. It was just like old times, having Sami’s support, his unconditional affection. And somewhere along the way that had become something important to him again, something he wanted, something he needed. He had thrown it all aside years ago without a second thought, but getting it all back, getting _Sami_ back, it had seemed like…a good thing.

Sami had been almost sycophantic toward Kevin, and more and more Kevin had started acting the same toward Sami, like he was desperate to make up for every terrible thing he’d done to Sami. Like he was trying to cover up the wounds he’d given the other man by calling Sami his guardian angel and declaring Smackdown Live the Sami and Kevin Show, like he was promising to put Sami first this time, like he was promising that instead of stepping over Sami to get back to the top they would get there together. It hadn’t felt like manipulation, even if in the back of his mind he always thought of himself as the better one, the more deserving.

It turned out this time he hadn’t been the one lying.

Seth was watching him with a knowing look, as if he knew exactly what was going through Kevin’s head. Kevin turned his face away.

“Why did you want Reigns and Ambrose back?” he asked, suddenly.

Seth didn’t answer for a long time. When Kevin looked back at him, he was staring at the blank TV, expression pensive.

“Did it feel good,” he inquired presently, “powerbombing Sami into the ring apron? Taking the NXT Title from him? Seeing his face, when he realized what was happening? Did it feel good, sticking that knife in his back?”

“Yes.” It had. It had felt like vindication, like revenge, like glory. When he held the NXT Title high over Sami’s prone body he had felt triumph and ecstasy like he had never felt before, like he had never imagined.

It had been the same, holding up the Universal Title, Seth lying dazed in the ring behind him.

Seth’s laugh was rueful. “It felt good when I hit Roman with the chair, when I curb-stomped Dean, when I pinned Roman at Wrestlemania. Dean was my best friend, Roman was the love of my life, I loved them both more than I’d ever loved anything, but in the end they didn’t matter at all. Neither did Hunter, or Stephanie, or Kane, or J&J, or Randy Orton. Nothing else mattered, except that Money in the Bank briefcase, except that title, except that moment in the main event of Wrestlemania when I saw my chance.

“I didn’t give a damn about being The Authority’s golden boy, I didn’t give a damn about betraying my friends, tearing down everything I’d built and setting it ablaze. I was The Man, and that was all that mattered. The gold, that’s all I wanted, that’s all I ever wanted. And I got it. I got it by giving up everything, including myself.”

He was smiling, but it was humorless. Sad.

“When Hunter approached me after Payback, I listened. Everyone always thought it was strange that I chose to betray Dean and Roman when I did, when we were at the top of our game, coming out of a huge victory over Evolution. It _was_ a huge victory, and all three of us felt just how huge it was. We were all riding high on it, but it made me realize something…that it wasn’t enough for me anymore. It wasn’t enough for me sharing the spotlight with two other guys, sharing the victory, being just part of a team. I was tired of it. I was tired of _them_. Of Roman, of Dean. I was tired of their constant _bickering_ , of feeling caught between the two of them, of feeling like I was the only one trying to hold us together, trying to keep us focused. I loved them both, I did, but…it just wasn’t enough anymore.” He shook his head. “I was starting to wonder why I was there, if I still really cared about them at all or if I was…I don’t know…holding on to something I’d thought I would always have, I guess. It felt more and more like I was just pretending, for their sakes. Like I was thinking about them and not thinking at all about myself, what _I_ wanted. And I was tired of it.

“Then there was Hunter, offering me the world. He could give me opportunities, he said, opportunities I’d never have being just one member of The Shield. Leave them behind, he said. They were deadweight. They were holding me down. I was the star, I was the one with the talent, with the drive. I could make it all the way to the top…if I dropped the two most important people in my life and joined him, instead. And I remembered something you told me, years ago, after Jimmy betrayed me.” He looked at Kevin. “Do you remember what you said?”

“I said we all step over people on our way to the top, people we love and people we don’t. It’s just part of the business.” He had said almost the same thing to Sami, the one time Sami had privately confronted him after NXT Takeover: R-Evoltion. Sami had had tears in his eyes, his face wan and pale, his shoulders slumping. He had looked like a broken man, and Kevin had laughed at him.

_We all step over people on our way to the top. It’s just part of the business, mon cher._

Seth nodded. “I remembered that, and I remembered Jimmy, looking up at him with my own blood stinging in my eyes, and I remembered you, standing over Generico. And I realized what I had to do. It was so clear. When Hunter told me his Plan B, I accepted his offer.

“I loved them, Dean and Roman. I swear I did, even then. But they were holding me back, I thought. And that…I hated them for that.”

Kevin laughed, bitterly. Seth smiled.

“This all sounds familiar, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah.” Kevin could feel something starting to unravel in him, something he’d kept tightly bound and locked away in the deepest parts of himself. The poisonous thundercloud of rage had scattered like so much smoke, and in its wake he just felt…empty. “I felt the same about Sami.”

“I knew I was meant for more. I was meant for the gold. I was meant to go down in history as one of the greats. I couldn’t do that with Dean and Roman at my side. Holding tag team gold, that wasn’t enough. Being a part of one of the greatest factions in history, that wasn’t enough. I had to go it alone, I had to reach the peak, I had to stand atop the mountain in a glory all my own. And turning on them, it was part of what was going to get me there. I couldn’t just walk out, make an easy exit. I had to make a statement. I had to become the villain, to do something that would leave not only my teammates but everyone watching in shock. I had to be ruthless. No attachments, no emotions, no chains. I didn’t even need Hunter to tell me that. Jimmy had already taught me, years ago. So did you.”

Kevin didn’t respond. It was cyclical, almost. Love and hate, trust and betrayal. It had followed them both, Seth Rollins and Kevin Owens, all their lives. Blood on their hands, gold around their waists. It was just who they were.

Seth let out a long breath, not quite a sigh.

“I felt guilty about it, you know. I felt awful. And…well, I felt lonely. I knew it had been necessary, what I’d done, but it was…it was hard. It left me kind of a mess.” He uttered that rueful laugh again. “Hunter knew it. He used that. Acting like he cared for me, acting all paternal. I didn’t buy it, I’m a lot of things but I’m not _naïve_ , but it didn’t matter. He was the only support I had, and maybe I never realized how much I _do_ need support. He used that, too. He wanted to mold me into a success, into his greatest creation. I let him. His constant whispering in my ear, the little shows of affection and pride he gave me, the praise he showered on me.” He shook his head. “It was like Jimmy all over again. I guess I knew that, or a part of me did, but I refused to let myself see it. I let him turn me into a new person. I didn’t care, as long as I was champion, as long as I was on top. I did it willingly, but I don’t think I ever knew how much power he’d really had over me, not until he predigree’d me into the mat and handed you the Universal Title. That was just like Jimmy, too. I never realized, until he left me a bloody mess, just how much under Jimmy’s control I’d been.”

He fell silent for a beat, gazing at the blank TV but not seeing it, his gaze distant and brooding. He usually didn’t talk about Jimmy Jacobs. Kevin had the impression Seth’s time with The Age of the Fall wasn’t something he liked to remember. Kevin couldn’t blame him. He had known Jimmy, had become almost friends with the man, and he could only imagine the hell the self-proclaimed Princess had put Tyler through.

Seth stirred, blinking as if drawn abruptly out of his own thoughts.

“Of course I knew the time would come when Hunter would turn on me. It was inevitable. They called us a family, The Authority, but it was bullshit, and we all knew it was bullshit. We all used each other, and when we didn’t have any more need of each other we betrayed each other. It happened with Randy, it happened with Joey and Jamie, my dear little security guards. It was going to happen with me, I knew. Hell, they did plenty to show just how expendable I really was to them, didn’t they? Stephanie practically tripped all over herself assuring me I meant about as much to her as crap on her shoe. And Hunter could act as paternal as he wanted, I knew the truth. It was really just a matter of whether Hunter would betray me or I would betray him first.

“I should have seen it coming. Dean and Roman should have seen it coming, too. But I didn’t really know him, not like I thought I did. Just like Dean and Roman didn’t really know me, not like they thought they did. Just like Sami didn’t know you. And I guess like you didn’t know Sami.”

He leaned against the headboard, knees drawn up slightly. Errant curls tumbled over his brow. He brushed them away with an absent swipe of his hand. “He blindsided me. I knew he’d betray me, but I never would have thought he’d use you to do it.” He regarded Kevin, smiling mirthlessly. “I think it was a calculated choice. He knows the history between you and me. He knew what it would do, using you against me.”

Kevin nodded. He’d figured that, as well. Being a pawn in the struggle between Triple H and his former prodigy hadn’t sat well with him, but it was worth it to hold the championship. He had been playing his own game then, with Chris Jericho.

“Then there was Samoa Joe. Then I got reinjured. And suddenly I realized that the path I’d taken, the things I’d done, the sacrifices I’d made, none of it was worth it. I let myself become a shell, all because I wanted that damn championship. I let Hunter carve out my soul, all because I wanted that damn _championship_.” His voice broke just slightly on the last word, and anger flashed across his face, a brief flare, there and then gone. “It was a mistake. I thought I needed Hunter, I thought I needed to throw away everything I loved, I thought it was the only way to set myself free. But that was a load of shit. That’s what I realized, that was the big epiphany. Dean and Roman, they weren’t holding me back. They loved me, they would have supported me through anything, they would’ve always been there for me. They weren’t burdens. They were part of what made me, _me_. It was Hunter who was holding me back. Because I let him.

“I meant everything I said to him before Wrestlemania. I needed to defeat him, and it wasn’t about revenge, it was about redemption. That’s why I wanted Dean and Roman back, Kev. Getting them back, regaining their trust, it was as important to me as beating Hunter was. I couldn’t be redeemed until I got back the two people who mattered most to me, the two people I’d turned against. I don’t want to be that person anymore, that person Hunter turned me into, that person I turned _myself_ into when I chose to join him. Being with Roman again, being with Dean again, I know I’m not that person anymore. I’m better, now. Better than I was then, better than I was even before. And not just because I was able to beat Hunter, but because I got them back, too. You see?”

Kevin’s throat felt tight. _Bullshit_ , he wanted to say, but he remembered thinking, when it first struck him that yes, Sami was back at his side: _We were always strongest together._

“I almost didn’t think they’d take me back. Dean in particular was tough. He doesn’t trust easily, and he’s not very good at forgiveness. But somehow he forgave me. And Roman…” He cast his gaze downward for a moment, a little smile playing at his lips. It was a kind of smile Kevin had never seen on him before, vulnerable and sweet. It made Kevin feel strange, almost…lonely.

“It seems Roman’s always ready to take me back, whatever happens between us. I can’t imagine, now, how I ever thought life would be better without him. Without either of them. It feels like I’m home. I know how cheesy that sounds, but it’s true. It feels like I’m me again. That’s why I wanted them back, Kev. I _needed_ them back.”

Kevin thought about that, turning the words over in his head.

A memory came to him, suddenly, vague but incongruently powerful: Tyler sitting cross-legged on a motel room bed, hair loose, wearing some crappy metal band’s t-shirt and jeans that were loose enough to leave plenty to the imagination but just tight enough to get the imagination going, an unmasked Generico draped over his back like a baby monkey, arms slung loosely around Tyler’s neck, head resting on Tyler’s shoulders. Ty was laughing about something and Generico, half-asleep, had a dreamy sort of smile on his face, probably more in response to Tyler’s mirth than to whatever had caused said mirth. There were other people in the room, and Kevin thought Ty might have been laughing at something one of them said. Roderick Strong, maybe. Roddy always had a dumb joke or two that would get Tyler giggling like a teenage girl. Kevin didn’t remember the joke, who else had been with them or where they were, if it was after a show, some little party they’d had, whatever. He just had that one image of Tyler and Generico on the bed, looking perfectly cozy together.

Kevin kind of wanted to ask Seth if he remembered that, if he maybe recalled the joke. He didn’t ask, just wondered when exactly he had started missing things like that.

“Why did you want Sami back?”

The question made him start.

Seth was giving him that shrewd look again. “You wanted him back, didn’t you? I’ve been watching Smackdown, you know. I’ve seen the way you look at him. It’s reminded me of how I feel about Dean and Roman, how good it feels to have them back, how sometimes I almost can’t believe I _do_ have them back.”

Another memory came to him, or more like the amalgamation of many memories: a sleeping Sami sprawled out on some hotel bed, snoring as loud as the engine of a goddamn diesel truck, hair standing up in wild corkscrews, his knee digging into Kevin’s back and his arm slung over Kevin’s shoulders. Sami almost always ended up like that, limbs flung every which way, and Kevin had just kind of gotten used to it.

He had no intention to respond, but heard himself say anyway, his voice low, dull, “I’ve been alone for a long time.”

“And who’s fault is that?” Seth scoffed, but his smile was kind, understanding.

Suddenly Kevin was furious again. “You’re full of shit, Rollins,” he snapped. “You realize that?”

Seth cocked an eyebrow, his smile gone. “Sure, always have been.”

His flippancy only infuriated Kevin more. “You wanted redemption. Sure, fine, and now you have it. You got your boys back. So what, being on top, being ‘The Man,’ that doesn’t matter to you anymore? You’re willing to stand back and let Reigns be ‘The Man’? Didn’t you want to make it ‘Monday Night Rollins’ again? You think you can do that being Intercontinental Champion?”

“What are you getting at, Kev?”

“You want that Universal Title. Don’t tell me Roman winning it at Wrestlemania will change that. Don’t tell me that if another opportunity at that title presents itself you won’t do everything you can to get it, even if you have to go through ‘the love of your life.’” His voice dripped with sarcasm as he echoed Seth’s words. “Don’t tell me you won’t turn on him just as fast as you did at Elimination Chamber.”

Seth frowned at him, looking bemused. Then, abruptly, he burst out laughing. “Of course I haven’t given up on the Universal Championship, man. If I get another opportunity to go after it, you can bet I’m gonna take it. And if Roman’s the one holding the title, so be it. But what do you think I’m gonna do, Kev, hit him in the back with a steel chair?” He laughed again, shaking his head. “It’s not going to be like that this time. It doesn’t need to be. If Roman has the title, I’ll challenge him to his face, and if I win, I’ll win fairly, and leave no room for doubt that I earned it.”

Kevin scoffed. “ _Earned_ it, right. Since when has what we’ve _earned_ ever mattered? If we got what we earned, we’d both still be the top champions in this company, and we’d stay the top champions for the next ten years. But we don’t get what we earn, we get what we _take_. You know that as well as I do.”

Seth regarded him for a long moment, a thoughtful look on his face now. At length, he stretched out on the bed, lying down. He tugged at the back of Kevin’s shirt and Kevin, without thinking about it, let himself be pulled down so they were lying side by side, not quite close enough to be touching.

“You know what I know?” Seth said. “I don’t have to keep burning bridges to get where I want to go. I’ve busted my ass to get myself back to this point, Kev. Two goddamn years it’s taken me. I’m not throwing any of it away. Becoming a champion again wasn’t the only goal. I need this, but I need it to be different this time. I need this moment to be mine and mine alone. I need to do it _my_ way, a way that feels right, so in the end I’ll know I deserved it. I can’t…” His voice softened. “I can’t lose him again. Either of them. I need this, but I need them, too.”

Kevin scowled, shaking his head. “It’s bullshit, Rollins. We’ve never needed anyone. Not each other, not _them_. Ambrose, Reigns, Sami. Hunter’s full of shit, but he was right about one thing: they’re deadweight.”

Seth seemed to contemplate this for a while, gazing at the ceiling, one arm tucked behind his head. “So why are you here, Kev?”

Kevin looked at him, brow furrowed. “What?”

“Why are you here, in the middle of the night, all pissed off and desperate for company?”

“I’m not—”

Seth flipped over onto his side and clamped his hand over Kevin’s mouth, cutting him off. Kevin glared at him, disbelieving. Seth smiled back. “What is it you’re after here, Kev? You want me to tell you I think Sami was wrong? Or do you want me to tell you I think Sami was right, and you were an idiot ever to trust him? Because you did, didn’t you? You trusted him, and you can’t deal with the fact you were wrong.”

Kevin shoved his hand away with perhaps a little more force than was strictly necessary. He sat up, turning his back to Seth, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. He said nothing; it seemed he had nothing to say, no retort, no affirmation.

He felt the bed shift as Seth sat up, and then there was a warm weight against his back. He felt the soft fall of Seth’s hair and realized Seth was leaning against Kevin, so they were sitting back to back. It was something Tyler used to do, sometimes, when they were in the locker room preparing for their respective matches, especially when he had a big title defense coming up. Tyler had never been much of a physical person, particularly after Jimmy—he’d certainly never been like Generico, who literally could not seem to keep his hands off Kevin—but it seemed to give him some sort of comfort and, if Kevin was being honest with himself, it comforted him, too.

“Maybe I don’t need anyone,” Seth said quietly. “I certainly never needed _you_.” Kevin scoffed, and he could almost see Seth’s answering grin. “But I want Roman by my side. Roman and Dean. I don’t need anyone, but I also don’t need to do this on my own. Y’know?”

“It’s all—”

“Bullshit, yeah.”

There was silence between them, for a while.

“What if Roman turns on you?” Kevin asked, and there was no anger in his voice. To his own ears he just sounded tired. “What if you do challenge him for the Universal Title, to his face, honorably, like a man, whatever, and he turns on _you_? What then, Rollins?”

“Who knows?” Seth said. “Maybe I’ll be showing up at your hotel room at 1:30 in the morning.”

Kevin huffed out a short laugh.

“I’m not sure I would even blame him,” Seth said, after a moment. “I did a terrible thing to him, to him and Dean. I betrayed them. I know those wounds will never really heal, whether they’ve forgiven me or not. You did a terrible thing to Sami, Kev. His wounds certainly haven’t healed. I don’t think he’s right, but I don’t really blame him. Do you?”

Kevin opened his mouth, and then closed it again. After a moment, he said, “Watching you turn on Reigns and Ambrose got me thinking. I watched Sami rise to the top in NXT, and I thought about you hitting your teammates with a chair, thought about you winning Money in the Bank. I thought about how it’d felt, turning on Generico. How easy it was, in the end. Then I was there, at NXT R-Evolution, for Sami’s moment of triumph. I hugged him, and I knew. I would rip that moment right out of Sami’s hands, and I’d make it mine. I would be champion, at Sami’s expense.”

“And now Sami intends to be champion at your expense. I wasn’t the only one who learned from you, apparently.”

_Just part of the business, mon cher._

Yes, it was almost cyclical. The two of them, the three of them, moving in circles, somehow always coming back to the same place. Except Seth wanted to break the cycle, it seemed.

Kevin found he had no such desire.

“Did you ever even apologize to him?”

“No.” It had never even occurred to him to apologize. He wasn’t sorry for what he had done over three years ago to his best friend and lover, and Sami had never brought it up, had never mentioned Kevin powerbombing him onto the ring apron, or all their confrontations in the following years, except to tell Kevin it was time they left the past behind them.

“Sami said we should focus on our future. Of course he was only thinking of his own future.” A bitter laugh forced its way out of him.

“Of course. Weren’t you?”

Kevin didn’t answer. He didn’t have to.

“It’s not gonna stop you from raining hellfire and brimstone down upon him, is it?”

Kevin bristled. “Of course not. If he thinks he can step over me on his way to the top, if he thinks he can use _me_ —”

“Good!” Seth said blithely, and gave Kevin a hearty smack on the shoulder. The bed bounced and Kevin turned to see Seth had plopped back down onto the mattress. He patted the pillow next to his own. “Now come on, lay down. It’s almost three in the morning. Time for some sleep.” As if for dramatic effect, he yawned.

Kevin arched an eyebrow.

“What? I presume you’re staying.”

As if recalled by Seth’s offer, Kevin’s exhaustion returned in a rush, crashing heavily down on him. He lay down, and Seth drew the covers over them both.

“I suppose this means I’m not getting a comfort fuck, then,” Kevin said, darkness already encroaching on the edges of his vision.

Seth rolled his eyes. “Were you not listening to a word I said?”

Kevin made a face. “What’s so great about Reigns, anyway?”

“Everything.” Seth turned over onto his side, throwing an arm over Kevin’s chest. “Go to sleep, Kev.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> WWE denied me the renewed Zowens feud and Wrestlemania match I was hoping for after that brilliant ending to the Smackdown before Fastlane and the great character work during Fastlane's main event itself, but I was still inspired to write this. The parallels between Seth and Kevin are gonna be the death of me. 
> 
> Also this is the first wrestling fic I've ever finished! Yay me!
> 
> Title comes from the song "Okay, I Feel Better Now" by AFI.


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